


Sinking So Long

by danmatian



Series: Leave, Cave, Burn [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Cheating, Getting Back Together, Guilt, Heartbreak, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Moving On, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 16:53:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15976493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danmatian/pseuds/danmatian
Summary: Dan has been cheating on Phil for six months. In this two part series with two alternate endings, you, the reader, get to decide the fate of Dan and Phil's relationship.





	Sinking So Long

**Author's Note:**

> Part two will be posted shortly as two separate works. You are free to read them both, but it's up to you to decide which ending you choose as the real one.

“I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon, Phil,” Dan called out as he walked down the stairs. 

Phil nearly sprinted towards the stairs to greet Dan. “I’ll miss you,” he said, embracing Dan in a tight hug once he reached the bottom of the stairs.

Dan dropped his suitcase at his feet and hugged Phil back. “I’ll miss you too.”

“Tell me all about your trip once you’re back. Oh, and call me when you’re at the hotel.”

“Of course,” Dan said before kissing Phil deeply. 

Phil sighed contently, kissing Dan back. He tightened his hold on Dan. “I love you so much, Daniel.”

“I love you too, Phil. Now I have to go,” Dan muttered, prying himself free from Phil’s embrace. He picked up his suitcase and walked towards the door. “I’ll call you once I’m at the hotel. Promise.” Dan opened the door and smiled at Phil before walking out.

Dan arrived at the hotel in Manchester three hours later. He felt tired from the train ride, and his neck felt stiff. Once inside the hotel lobby, he snapped a photo of a large plant in the corner of the room and sent Phil the photo. A moment later, Phil called him. 

“That houseplant is huge!” Phil exclaimed as soon as Dan answered the phone.

“Right? I had to show you.”

“Where are you? How are you?”

“Not too bad. I’m about to go to my room,” Dan said, looking over at the receptionist at the desk. “I haven’t checked in yet.”

“You should probably do that before the desk person thinks you’re up to no good.”

Dan stifled a giggle with his hand. “They’re called receptionists, Phil.”

“Whatever. I hope you rest well before the meeting.”

“I will. I’ll let you know when I’m done with the meeting and on the way home.”

“I miss you already. I’m editing a gaming video.”

“The one we filmed this week?” Dan asked, confused. “I thought we were gonna wait to upload that one.”

“Yeah.” Phil chuckled softly. “I’m not uploading it yet. I just had nothing else to do. It’s so boring without you here.”

“I’ll be home tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love you too, Dan.”

After a short pause, Dan said, “I should probably go check in. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“You’re right. Bye.”

“Bye, Phil.”

Dan hung up the phone and walked up to the reception desk. The woman behind the desk looked up from her computer screen and smiled.

“How may I help you today, sir?”

“I’m checking in today. I mean, of course I’m checking in  _ today, _ why else would I be here? Oh, I’ve made this awkward now. Let me try again—”

“It’s okay, sir,” the receptionist, named Cindy, assured, cutting him off. “What’s the name?”

“Um, it might be Daniel Ho—no, nevermind. It’s probably Devon Adams,” Dan awkwardly mumbled.

“Ah,” Cindy mused. She looked back down at the computer screen and typed something in. Shortly after, she pointed to the screen. “Ah, yes! Mr. Adams has a reservation for tonight in our system. And you are his…?”

“I’m his partner—his business partner.”

“I need your ID and credit card that matches the one on the reservation, sir,” she said. She did more things on the computer after Dan had given them to her and printed out some papers and sat them on the desk. “I need you to sign these. Oh, and what is your business?”

Dan signed the papers and slid them across the desk towards her. “We don’t disclose that information.”

“That’s okay,” she said, handing him a keycard. “Your room is on the fifth floor. Room 503.”

Dan took the keycard and his copy of the paperwork. “Thanks.”

“Have a lovely stay! Feel free to ring the front desk if there’s anything you need,” Cindy called out to Dan as he walked away.

After walking down a long hallway, Dan finally found an elevator. He entered it, pressed the button for the fifth floor and waited as the elevator took him up to the floor. He walked the down the hallway slowly—navigating through unfamiliar places was always nerve-racking for him. He found his room and slid the keycard into the slot. The light turned green, and he opened the door. 

The room was empty. Devon wouldn’t be there for another hour. He sat on the king bed and looked around the room while he took his socks and shoes off. There were some paintings on the walls; Dan thought they were ugly, but maybe he just had bad taste. The carpet was an ugly green color with some weird swirling pattern. A large flatscreen TV and a microwave were on top of a dresser. Beside the dresser was a mini refrigerator. Dan suddenly wished he had brought some popcorn or something to snack on. He stood up and walked towards the bathroom. It was quite small—the room in general felt a tad bit too small, but it was good enough. 

Dan sat down on the bed again. He was bored, so he turned on the TV and watched a random channel. He wasn’t really paying attention though; it was just there to fill the silence in the room. His phone buzzed, and for a moment he thought it was Phil again. Instead, it was Devon texting him to tell him he would be there early. Dan responded and told him he had already checked in and told him the room number. 

A pang of guilt hit Dan, but he quickly suppressed it. He was already too deep in his facade to care now. A facade that was running six months deep with various guys. This time wasn’t entirely a lie, though—he  _ did _ have a meeting tomorrow, and Devon  _ was  _ his business partner, but it wasn’t  _ strictly  _ business.

Dan tried to play back the past two months in his mind, but it all felt like a blur. One minute he was enjoying a night out and the next he and Devon had returned to his hotel room for a hookup. He didn’t want to justify it by saying it was alcohol-clouded judgement because it was a voluntary decision. However, Devon was the only one of his hookups he’d continued to see. This was the third time he was seeing Devon, and he was so excited—too excited—to see him again. 

Dan had his rules: no strings attached, no feelings, always wear a condom, and never talk about it outside of the bedroom. Devon understood the arrangement and didn’t care—he was there for the same reasons as Dan was. Nothing more, nothing less. 

There was a knock on the door, followed by Devon letting himself in. He held up his keycard and laughed. “She gave me my own key.”

“She was kind of annoying, wasn’t she?” Dan asked, standing up and walking towards Devon. 

“Just doing her job, I suppose. You get settled in nicely?”

“Yeah. Bored out of my mind though.”

Devon stepped closer to Dan. “I think I can help,” he said before kissing Dan and pressing him against the wall. 

“Really?” Dan muttered against his lips. 

“I think you know the routine,” Devon smirked, pinning Dan up to the wall. 

Dan lifted his leg and wrapped it around Devon’s waist. Devon held it there, his hand strong and firm, as they kissed. Devon grabbed Dan’s waist, pulling him up and holding him tightly. Dan moaned against his lips, and Devon laughed again, squeezing Dan’s hips. 

“Anything special planned?” Dan asked, wrapping his arms around Devon’s neck. His fingers found their way to Devon’s scruffy, long blonde hair, and he ran his hands through it. 

“Anything you want, baby,” Devon said, his voice low. 

“I want you to fuck me and use me.”

Devon gave Dan an exaggerated look, his brown eyes piercing right through to his soul. He put Dan down and pushed him towards the bed where he shoved him down and crawled in top of him. Dan held onto his tie, pulling himself up closer to him. His heart raced as he watched Devon unbuckle his belt and push his suit pants down. 

“Condom’s in my front pocket. Take it out and work it on me,” Devon instructed. Dan reached into his shirt pocket and found the familiar packet. He made Devon lie down on his back and began using his hand to palm Devon’s half hard dick through his underwear. Devon moaned, pressing his hips up against Dan’s hand. Dan smiled, pulling his underwear down and out of the way. He tore open the condom with his teeth and began stroking it onto Devon. Devon watched as Dan continued. Dan wondered what he was thinking. 

Devon pulled Dan down towards him, and his body collapsed into Devon’s. He squeezed Dan’s ass, causing Dan to whimper. “Have you stretched today, baby?”

Dan blushed, biting his lip. “I did before coming here.”

“Good job.”

They began kissing again, and Dan fumbled with his own jeans, trying to unbutton them. Devon took over, squeezing Dan’s dick as he slowly managed to pull them down. 

“This is why you don’t wear skinny jeans to your hookup,” Devon joked as Dan struggled to kick his jeans down his legs. 

Dan pouted, rolling over onto his back. “Shut up and help me,” he said, holding his legs up. Devon grabbed at the ankles of his jeans, pulling them down. Once they were removed, Dan quickly slid his underwear off and took his shirt off. The way Devon stared at him was enough to make his dick twitch. Devon licked his lips and leaned down, laying on Dan as they kissed sloppily. Dan reached down and took Devon’s dick in his hand again, stroking him as they kissed. 

Devon bit Dan’s lip, eliciting a moan from Dan. He kissed Dan’s neck and nipped at the skin softly—he couldn’t leave marks, but that never stopped him from teasing Dan regardless. Dan gasped, squeezing Devon’s now fully-hard dick. 

“I’m going to fuck you harder than anyone ever possibly could,” Devon murmured seductively into Dan’s ear. 

Dan shivered, looking into Devon’s eyes innocently. “Is that so?”

Devon didn’t respond. He grabbed Dan’s legs, pulling them up and allowing better access for himself to guide his dick into Dan. The lack of lube made it a bit painful, but Dan was used to the sensation and had grown to like it. When Dan nodded as a que that he was ready, Devon began moving his hips slowly. 

“Harder,” Dan moaned. 

“Beg for it,” Devon commanded. 

“Please, God… I need you to fuck me. I need your cock pounding into me. I want you to fuck me so hard,” Dan managed to say, his mind in a haze. 

Devon chuckled, apparently satisfied with the state Dan was in already, and began thusting harder. Dan moaned deeply, gripping the sheets as he attempted to keep somewhat quiet. 

Quickly and suddenly, Devon turned Dan over onto his side. He lifted one of Dan’s legs, holding it up as he wasted no time continuing where he left off. He pounded hard into Dan, and Dan gasped, moaning weakly as Devon’s cock brushed his prostrate. 

“ _ Harder, _ ” he begged, reaching up to hold onto Devon’s forearm. 

Devon complied, and Dan grunted, moving his hand from Devon’s forearm to stoke himself. 

“You like that?” Devon murmured, his eyes full of lust as he watched Dan intensely. 

“Yes,  _ God yes, _ ” Dan whined. 

Devon grabbed Dan’s hips, changing their position again. He held Dan’s hips up and pushed his head down into the bed, taking a fistful of hair, pulling it hard. Dan tilted his head back and whimpered. Devon shoved his cock into Dan, causing his body to jolt forward, and continued fucking hard into Dan. The position change made it easier for him to pound against Dan’s prostate, and Dan began shaking, the sensation making him tear up. He stroked himself quickly, matching the pace of Devon thrusting in and out of him. 

“I’m close, baby,” Devon warned. 

“Come on my back,” Dan said. He immediately regretted asking—he hadn’t asked for that yet—but he decided to go for it and didn’t change his mind. 

“You sure?” Devon asked, slowing his thrusts. 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Dan said, pushing his hips back in an attempt to prove his point. 

Devon picked up the pace again and dug his nails into Dan’s hips—Dan shouldn’t be allowing it, but he was too aroused to care. Devon groaned loudly, pulling out of Dan to remove the condom and stroke himself. He came on Dan’s back, and Dan soon followed suit, biting at the ruffled sheets under him. 

Devon leaned down, licking the come off Dan’s back. Dan blushed and was thankful his face was hidden. He pulled Dan upright and kissed him, slipping his tongue into Dan’s mouth and allowing him to take the come into his mouth. Dan swallowed it and smirked. 

“God, babe, you are sexy as hell,” Devon muttered. 

“You bring it out of me,” Dan replied, his voice small. 

Devon kissed him again and moaned softly. “I love you,” he said, looking directly into Dan’s eyes. 

Dan froze, staring back into Devon’s eyes. That was all he could do. 

“I’m sorry!” Devon immediately apologized. 

Dan was still frozen, unsure of how to respond. 

“I didn’t mean it,” Devon whispered, brushing Dan’s sweaty curls away from his forehead. Dan recoiled, pushing Devon’s hand away from him. 

“We had an agreement, Devon,” Dan finally said. 

“And I followed through! It was just a spur of the moment thing, Dan!” Devon pleaded. 

“I…need to leave. Fuck, Devon. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t see you again,” Dan said as he stood from the bed to put his clothes back on. “I’ve had a lot of fun with you, Devon, but I can’t…do this anymore. Fuck!” he shouted. “This is why I shouldn’t have kept seeing you!”

“Dan…”

“Don’t. I need to go home,” Dan retorted. He sat down on the bed to put his socks and shoes back on. Devon watched him, not saying anything. 

“I’m sorry if this turned into something it wasn’t supposed to turn into,” Dan said when he stood again. “I didn’t want it to… Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“Dan, just wait, please,” Devon begged. 

“No. I’m sorry.” Dan grabbed his suitcase and left the room. He got in the elevator and pressed the button for the hotel lobby. He sighed and leaned against the elevator wall, staring at his reflection in the mirror across from him. How could he have let things get this far? He should have never seen Devon again. He shouldn’t even be cheating on Phil at all. Tears welled in his eyes as he thought of Phil—Phil, who was at home editing a video they’d filmed just because he missed Dan. He felt incredibly selfish and hated himself for crying. He wasn’t crying when he was moaning for Devon or the other guys he’d hooked up with. 

When the elevator opened on the lobby floor, Dan stepped out and walked towards the entrance of the hotel. He hoped Cindy wasn’t still working at the desk because he wasn’t in the mood for any questions from her. Of course, that wasn’t the case, and she was there. 

“Good afternoon, sir. Is there anything I can assist you with?” she asked with a smile. 

Dan rolled his eyes and kept walking. “No, thank you.”

She said something else, but Dan didn’t hear her. He ignored her and continued walking out of the hotel. He crossed the street and went to the Starbucks nearby, ordered a latte, and pulled his phone out of his pocket before sitting down at a table in the corner. 

Dan should call Phil, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hear Phil’s voice right now. He knew he needed to, but he was avoiding it. Against his own wishes, he called Phil anyway. 

“Dan, hello!” Phil answered. 

“Hey, Phil. I’m coming home.”

“Why? What happened?”

Dan sighed. “It’s better if we talk about it in person.”

“You’re making me worry, Dan. Is everything okay?”

“Yes… No. I don’t know.”

“Please… Just hurry home if it has to wait.”

“I will. Love you.”

“I love you so much,” Phil whispered. 

“I know. I’m sorry, Phil,” Dan said, hanging up before Phil could question him further. 

Dan put his phone down on the table and took a sip of his coffee. Maybe Devon didn’t mean what he said. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding. Devon couldn’t possible  _ love  _ Dan anyway—they only had only known each other for a two months. They never talked outside of making arrangements to see each other. Maybe he was just speaking in the moment. 

Dan couldn’t shake the lingering guilt that hung over him. Not for Devon, but for Phil. He loved Phil.  _ Right?  _

Dan finished his coffee and left, catching a cab to the train station. He boarded the first one to London he could find and started the long, thought provoking ride home. All he could think about was Phil.  _ Phil.  _ Who was at home— _ their home _ —waiting for Dan to return. How would he bring it up? How the hell could he possibly find the right words to say? Dan didn’t want to make excuses. He didn’t want Phil to think it was somehow his fault. He knew Phil would think it was his fault, that he had done something wrong. He never did anything wrong. He never did anything to deserve this. 

Dan was sobbing on the train the whole time. 

The ride to his home felt longer than any of the rides he’d taken that day. His heart was pounding in his chest as the driver got closer and closer to his flat. He could barely speak to thank him after he’d finally arrived. 

Dan stood outside the door of his flat for five minutes before going inside. Phil must have been upstairs or in another room because he hadn’t yet noticed Dan was home. 

“Phil?” Dan called out after being inside for a few minutes. Maybe Phil left. Maybe he knew. Dan walked around, checking the rooms as he passed them, but he didn’t see Phil in any of them. “Phil!” he called again when he walked up the stairs. 

Dan heard the toilet in their bedroom bathroom flush, and he went inside the room.  _ Fuck.  _ He didn’t want to do this here. Not in their bedroom where so many memories were.

The whole flat was full of memories. There was no hiding from it. 

“Dan! Hey,” Phil exclaimed when he opened the bathroom door. “I didn’t know you were home.”

Suddenly, Dan began to cry again. He sat down on the bed and looked up at Phil, tears streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry, Phil.” 

“What’s wrong?” Phil asked, sitting down beside Dan. He went in to hug Dan and Dan stood abruptly, avoiding him. He didn’t want Phil to comfort him. 

“I have…to tell you something. And you’re not—you’re not going to like it. At all. But I have to—I have to tell you.” 

“Dan… What is it?” Phil stood and tried to hug Dan again, but Dan grabbed his shoulders, making him sit back down. 

“Please… Please don’t touch me or comfort me or anything. I don’t deserve it.”

“Just tell me,” Phil begged. He started crying too, and Dan wanted more than ever to take back everything. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t take anything back. 

“I’ve been cheating on you,” he blurted out. 

“Wait, what?” Phil asked, his expression suddenly void of emotion. 

“I’ve been cheating on you,” Dan repeated. “I’m sorry. I had to tell you.”

“And that’s where you went today, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“How—how long has this been happening?” 

“About six months.”

Phil’s expression went cold. “And you fucking waited until  _ now _ to tell me? Tell me this, Dan, how many people have you seen? Have you been fucking them? Have you been using  _ protection?  _ You bloody better have! And why? Why—why did you? Was it me? Was I not good enough for you?” 

Dan let Phil shout at him, not interrupting him to answer any of the questions he had until he was done asking them. “I know I can’t take it back, Phil. It…happened a few times. I always used protection. I’m a piece of shit, but I wouldn’t have ever risked your health like that. It’s not your—”

“Don’t even  _ fucking _ say it’s not my fault because you know damn well I’ll think it anyway!” Phil yelled, standing up and walking towards Dan. He glared at Dan and said, “Pack your shit and leave. Don’t come back.”

“Where will I go, Phil?” 

“Find somewhere. Call up one of your fuck buddies,” he spat. 

“I’m—”

“Don’t you  _ dare  _ apologize, Daniel, because you are  _ not _ sorry. Get your shit. And leave.”

Dan went to say he was sorry again, but decided not to. He left the room and walked slowly down the stairs, clinging onto the railing as if he was going to fall down the stairs if he didn’t. He left his suitcase behind—he didn’t give a shit if he had nothing—and left the flat. 


End file.
